In - Development

Emotional Intelligence for Being

Dwayne M

Stage 1: Emotional awareness - Try this out for a couple of weeks. Use emotional awareness sheet.

When doing this Accept the emotion as real. Facts may or may not be relative to the emotion.

Notice the body effects

The point is that you are having one and its critical that you ACCEPT it. You can even say it out loud I feel  ________. 

Simply note how you reacted to it. If you responded note it.

Here is an exercise you can try: Emotional Awareness Exercise

 Stage 2: After doing this for a couple of weeks you will begin to see a pattern related to people places and things. Note how your emotions effect the relationship

Stage 3: Develop distress tolerance tools that help you and the relationships. Begin to appreciate and enjoy pleasant emotions. You may notice a reduction in a distressful feeling just by accepting the feeling as a feeling not anything more or less.

Gathering some tools in your tool belt helps reduce unwanted effects of distressful emotions through awareness and distress tolerance tools. You may find the ability to choose behaviors that can direct emotions prior to interactions with others to increase effective relationships and improve troublesome relationships. 

• Make a list of ways you lower distress (excluding alcohol).

The idea is to not live unnecessarily in negative emotions that drive behaviors misaligned with your values.

You can try this distress tolerance tool.

​REST

Relax – create space utilizing tools -  bottom up distress tolerance tools if distressed & space to appreciate surroundings

• grounding tools like dropping the anchor can create mindful awareness of the present moment. 

Evaluate – identify feelings of body and emotions. This is a top down approach where you may needs a pen and paper at first.  Accept the feeling related to a thought in a safe place.

Set intention – Identify place my values want me to be. I may need to move towards others or space in order to create safety and belonging in the here and now.

Take action towards something important (this may also be enjoying the present or using one of the tolerance tools you listed)

Have distress tolerance tools that work for you. Embrace the “and”. Can I have fear and courage… fear would be the emotion and courage would be a principle that can move me towards purposeful living. 

Stage 4: Active listening/empathy – empathy sheet

Accept others feelings just how you began accepting yours. If they are frustrated, let them know that you hear them and its ok they are frustrated

Step 5: Interpreting Others Feeling

Practice repeating back to others a feeling that you think they are having. If they don’t look like they agree, ask them if you got it right.

Try  to understand how others feel.

Step 6: Practice your personal skills of emotional awareness in conflict! 

If you need a time out, ask the other person for some space to figure it out. Always set a time or amount of time you need to return to them with a response. Pause when agitated!